“I want a divorce.” (Experience chronicles)

A sister I know called me, saying she and her husband were having some issues. Basically she found a text message in his phone.

Anytime my friends are struggling in their relationships, I feel scared. A “this cannot be happening” feeling. I know not all relationships will withstand the test of time or trials, but I feel like the greatest effort should be put forth to resolve whatever the problem is. Especially since we’re Muslims.

I told her I was sorry. I don’t know why, I just felt like I should apologize. She said her trust of him was broken, that she couldn’t stand to be in the room with him. She said she had packed, and was deciding on leaving. She was trying to figure out how to go about filing her divorce.

Over a text? Is this real?

I reminded her that as Muslim women, asking for a divorce over something that can be resolved was not a good look, and from my understanding, is a major sin. Alhamdulillah women can’t pronounce “talaq.”

She agreed, but she felt that he cheating on her. It was 4 lines, and 4 months ago. She gave me more details, and it was…bad. But still, a divorce is just so far over the top. Plus, I didn’t see the text as cheating. Extremely stupid, but not cheating.

I was in a rough spot. Trying to empathize with her, validate her feelings, while still trying to say she was overreacting. She understood there were worse things than a text message, although it is very hurtful. Stacking it up against all her husband had done for her and gone through with her, divorce shouldn’t have been entertained.

I accept the fact that it’s hard to be rational when you’re upset and hurt. Also, I know this type of reaction isn’t limited to women, so ladies don’t shoot me.

After talking for 2 hours, she decided that counseling was the best step to take, as Allah has prescribed. WHEW! Trials and tests are part of relationships, and (in my opinion) serve as a means to strengthen them. If the problems are resolvable and you value the relationship (whether it is spousal, parental, etc), give it the best chance to survive. Allah has given us the blueprint for resolving interpersonal issues, and Rasulullah (the Messenger of Allah) salallahu alaihi wa salam (peace and blessing upon him) is our example.

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Experience chronicles II

My friend told me that I misunderstood what she meant by “experiencing” things. She said I didn’t have to do haraam things, but just be around people who don’t necessarily share my views. That sounds good. Can’t do that in a weekend, which is usually all working people have: weekends. To “experience” different people, you need to live amongst them, not pass through their neighborhood. In sha Allah I will do so. Can’t take Aaliyah with me though. Maybe I will go a couple of places during the last 10 days of Ramadan. Maybe I’ll move to Hoover. Regardless of what I find or learn, people will still be pissed off with however I choose to think, anyway.

Experiences

My friend said I need more experiences because my perceptions are flawed. The background to this statement shall be chronicled in the future.

Being sheltered, I don’t know where to experience things. At the club? On the corner? In the back of some dudes car? Over in a ditch?

I Googled some meetups, hoping to find some not so great places where Muslims hang out. I found some, but of course it was more cultural bs.

Maybe I can spend every other weekend of Ramadan in a different masjid. See if folks step in yo plate and push you in/out of line everywhere.