I’m reading the Greatness of Imperfection.
I didn’t even know I had an issue with not accepting myself and feeling unworthy. I assume that stems from the messages I learned from my mother.
I had accepted that if I didn’t get what I prayed for or worked for, it was because there was an error somewhere.
An error in my dua,
An error in the perfection of my work,
An error in myself.
Therefore, with those errors being present, I didn’t “deserve” what I asked/worked for anyway.
I was unworthy.
I’m single because I don’t deserve to be happy, and I’m not “good” enough, or worthy (for example).
So I have to relearn everything, and it’s very hard because I held these beliefs for so long.
The thing that stinks the most is that my thought process interfered greatly with my iman. I was “unworthy” of any blessings because there were errors in my character, so Allah would not bless me. This is actually a concept some Muslims believe, but it’s an unhealthy concept that I can’t practice. Yes, if we want Allah to bless us with good things, we should do our best to obey His commands. But to suggest that we are unworthy to ask of Him, due to our sins, that is a Christian theory (the reason they think they need an intercessor to hear their prayers).
And Allah knows best. I hope I get better. I am trying very hard.