I learned early that being vivacious, energetic and ambitious was offensive.
At least that’s what I was made to believe. I was made to feel like all my ideas, dreams, goals, etc were so far fetched. That the real tract my life was going/supposed to take was:
I did the first two, and the last one by proxy (raising my niece). Everything should have been ok, because I did what I was supposed to do.
But it wasn’t. I had let the world mold me, I became silent and learned to blend in. I blended in by being like everyone else, MENTALLY. Anxious, depressed, overworked. I blamed the government for me not getting ahead because they tax half my earnings; that’s what everyone else did. I blamed my boss because the work was too much for the least possible pay; that’s what everyone else did. I complained that no one was helping me get my life situated perfectly; that’s what everyone else did. I self pitied because I wasn’t good enough; like everyone else.
I’m so done.
All my zeal, pride, curiosity, desire for life, lack of fear, all of it! I didn’t realize that not everyone had it, and I was a target for ridicule utter mental destruction. Because I had all the traits of a successful person.
I guess I’m gonna stick out like a freakin sore thumb now! And RISE!