Re-education: Re-re-education

I previously wrote an entry under Experiences, about a coworker explaining to me the right way to approach men, so as not to scare them away.

I often wonder if there is some kind of academic program in Gender Studies. Maybe I’ll obtain a Phd in psychology and sociology, and develop my own field of study…AHA! A quick google search reveals that there are “gender studies,” but only the study of women and feminism. Useless.

I previously thought it was a joke, this idea that men have a fear of women, or at the very least, forward, blunt, strong-willed women. Then after a particular failed attempt, I thought “maybe this shit is real.”

Besides, my coworker had successfully befriended the man she was interested in, they had great times together, and he never ever approached her sexually. She said, “I asked him, ‘if I wanted you to write letters to me everyday, would you do it?’ And he said ‘yes.'”


I caught myself, as I felt my eyes begin to roll. I had nothing to say to this mockery of a love story except-


“It’s not game. He even bought a small diary so he could start writing me letters.”


“I know it’s hard for you to believe.”

I was convinced, for a moment. Even my Muslim friends tried to tell me that the “modern” way was a surefire way to find a husband. All these rules about gender separation and mahrams was out-dated. Islamically correct nonetheless! Just ineffective.

I tried to quietly re-educate myself, and tried to wrap my head around the apparent fact that the fiqh of marriage, which I dedicated so much (too much) time to was an idealistic approach suited for a utopian world. Some of my Muslim friends suggested that I get to know some of the doctors where I work; maybe they would come around to be Muslim if they really liked me! My ovaries ain’t big enough to try that.

Weeks followed and I’m hearing more stories of Muslims getting married from modern relationships. (A few years back I would’ve said “haraam relationships.” “Wahabi,” right?) I felt like an extremist. However, since I couldn’t get past the idea that a haraam-…MODERN relationship (I can’t believe I typed that) would probably be the last thing I do, then die in a car crash, be raised up in that situation and have to answer for all that shit along with my other sins, I decided to remain on the fence with no particular direction.

Last week, my aforementioned coworker asked me to pray for her. She’s not Muslim, so naturally I asked Allah to guide her to Islam.

She later told me that her friend we’d been talking about threatened to kill her in front of her two-year-old daughter.

“Now I see why y’all don’t believe in messing with the opposite sex unless it’s for marriage, and why you have family involved.”

I was very sad that she had to go through that. She and her daughter. They’re both ok, and the man she didn’t want to “scare” away is out and about…


One thought on “Re-education: Re-re-education

  1. A very observant blog post. It’s difficult isn’t it, so much temptation out there, it’s always so easy to slip. Saying that there’s so much pressure on the ‘modern’ women to get out there, but why be something you’re not? A relationship based on that premise is doomed to fail before it even starts.

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