Re-education: Mis-educated

I started practicing Islam more, and my parents hated it. I took it so personally, I thought they hated me. They probably did. I still don’t know. Pretty sure now. Yup. They hated me.

I thought it was my duty to help other Muslims understand what they were doing wrong, how to repent, and that it’s all good. Gain knowledge, repent, cease, done! Right? But I didn’t understand the dynamics of the ego. Including my own ego.

I didn’t understand that the ego is so strong and does not want to be opposed. My parents had been Muslim since the late 70’s, so time in versus time spent learning, time in was more relevant. To them, I wouldn’t have ever been Muslim if it weren’t for them. How dare I insult them by correcting them.

My ego said that I was their savior, I was gonna show them the right way, Allah said,

O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones…66:6

So that’s what I was doing. Panic mode. My parents are old, they’re gonna die! We gotta get all this sorted out RIGHT NOW before I die! Before we ALL DIE! They’ll understand, it’ll be great!

I thought that as long as I was doing it in a nice way, it was fine. Sometimes I wasn’t nice. Either way I was getting cussed out. Fail.

I thought I was doing good, and my parents not talking to me, or only talking to me to argue…or not talking but only shouting…was just the struggle I had to deal with and get through gracefully in order to enter Jannah. Yeah! Fool-proof plan!

In my quest for jannah, I ruined my relationship with my mom. Even listening to music with her and celebrating her birthday hasn’t repaired the damage. She’ll still argue with my on figh issues, alcohol based flavorings, hijab, etc. I don’t bring these things to her anymore. I just wanted us to be ok. Probably wrong to say, but I don’t care anymore if she knows right from wrong, I just want her to be happy with me.

She says she loves me, Alhamdulillah. I feel like a failure though.

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3 thoughts on “Re-education: Mis-educated

  1. Assalamwalikum, SK. You cannot please everybody nor can you guide or help guide others towards Islam. I remember I posted something a while ago on facebook and I think this fits your situation and what you are going through, just as a reminder.

    “It is tough having family or friends who we want to bring closer to Islam but we can’t. Then we feel hopeless and sad because they aren’t listening or just not accepting the reality or the truth for that matter but what makes you think you can guide others to Islam, when the Messengers of Allah, Prophet Noah (Peace Be Upon Him) couldn’t save his own son? When The Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) couldn’t save his own uncle? Allah SWT states it beautiful in the Quran, that is not YOU that guides the people and puts Islam, the remembrance of Allah into their hearts but it is Him and Him alone. “So whoever Allah wants to guide – He expands his breast to [contain] Islam; and whoever He wants to misguide – He makes his breast tight and constricted as though he were climbing into the sky. Thus does Allah place defilement upon those who do not believe.” [6:125]

    And it is at every Jummah, while the Imam is at the mimbar, standing saying: “Whoever Allah guides, there is none that can misguide him and whoever Allah misguides, there is none that can guide him”

    This does not mean, we stop spreading the message of Islam or stop reminding others of Islam because you feel it is hopeless because it is not hopeless. Your du’aa at anytime can do so many wonders, which is unbelievable! The people who were stuck in a cave, as it is told in Surah Kahf made du’aa to Allah based on their good deeds and it was granted by Allah.

    So not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Just because Allah does not fulfill your duaa now, it may because it may not be the right time and insha’Allah it may happen another time. Do not be doubtful neither. Just because your calling to others of Islam or even your own family is not being heard, remember though, your prayers are being listened to by Allah SWT at all times. Continue to make du’aa for them and constantly do it. Just be patient. Make that effort whenever you can.”

    So be patient and make du’aa. All you can do is convey a message and it is Allah SWT whom guides the hearts and opens them and constricts them. You can only do your best, that is it. Do not sacrifice your Islam to please others, as this may be a test on you, with your mother. Be her support, be her crutch, continue to convey the message and be patient. And Allah SWT knows best 🙂

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