So my experiences took an interesting turn today while speaking with someone at work. She’s married but in the middle of a divorce, and is currently “friends” with some new guy she met.
She’s not Muslim but that’s not the point.
As I was saying, she asked me how it was going with the guy I had mentioned to her. I told her he said he wasn’t up for marriage talks. She asked if I was looking for marriage and put that out front. I answered in the positive.
This ish she said right here…blew my mind.
She said that I scared him, that he was just looking for a friend.
Now let me get this straight: I know it’s not coming from an Islamic perspective, but maybe, just maybe, Muslim men aren’t looking for wives, but for female friends. Friends that may (or may not) become their wives.
It may be very well true, that I indeed scared him (and everyone else) away by looking for a husband.
There exists idealism within every person (including myself), acknowledged or not, and for most people, there is a need to know the ins and outs of a person, in fine detail, before considering a relationship. And I don’t mean “are we compatible?” More like “do you like cheese? I like cheese…” Hence the need to be friends.
My ideas are different. If two persons are basically compatible (and the two people will know), then the friendship will be automatic and continue with marriage.
I could be very wrong.
Anyway, I didn’t agree or disagree with her, because it wasn’t a debate. I was simply allowing myself to experience a different perspective.
I don’t know if I should change my ideas about relationships between non-mahrams. Experiences are supposed to produce some sort of change, afterall.