Re-education: Mis-educated

I started practicing Islam more, and my parents hated it. I took it so personally, I thought they hated me. They probably did. I still don’t know. Pretty sure now. Yup. They hated me.

I thought it was my duty to help other Muslims understand what they were doing wrong, how to repent, and that it’s all good. Gain knowledge, repent, cease, done! Right? But I didn’t understand the dynamics of the ego. Including my own ego.

I didn’t understand that the ego is so strong and does not want to be opposed. My parents had been Muslim since the late 70’s, so time in versus time spent learning, time in was more relevant. To them, I wouldn’t have ever been Muslim if it weren’t for them. How dare I insult them by correcting them.

My ego said that I was their savior, I was gonna show them the right way, Allah said,

O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones…66:6

So that’s what I was doing. Panic mode. My parents are old, they’re gonna die! We gotta get all this sorted out RIGHT NOW before I die! Before we ALL DIE! They’ll understand, it’ll be great!

I thought that as long as I was doing it in a nice way, it was fine. Sometimes I wasn’t nice. Either way I was getting cussed out. Fail.

I thought I was doing good, and my parents not talking to me, or only talking to me to argue…or not talking but only shouting…was just the struggle I had to deal with and get through gracefully in order to enter Jannah. Yeah! Fool-proof plan!

In my quest for jannah, I ruined my relationship with my mom. Even listening to music with her and celebrating her birthday hasn’t repaired the damage. She’ll still argue with my on figh issues, alcohol based flavorings, hijab, etc. I don’t bring these things to her anymore. I just wanted us to be ok. Probably wrong to say, but I don’t care anymore if she knows right from wrong, I just want her to be happy with me.

She says she loves me, Alhamdulillah. I feel like a failure though.


Experience chronicles IV

I went to the masjid for the first time this Ramadan (and first time in forever) and got to see a lot of my friends etc. One sister follows the way of the righteous Salaf, Alhadulillah, and she don’t play games. 

Another sister was sitting with us, when the aforementioned sister commented on how some sister go to work without hijab, and not making their salah. The latter sister stated that some places don’t allow an opportunity to pray, and that she makes all her salah up when she goes home. 

Now, it got rough.

The former sister went on a tear: “You can’t do that; you can pray if you chose to; you cain’t pray on your lunch break?; so you ain’t got NO time?; your salah is more important.”

Every point she made was valid, but she forgot one thing: To advise your fellow Muslim in a good way, and in confidence, not in front of others. 

The latter sister removed herself from the table in hurt and anger. I was embarrassed and sad to have witnessed the incident. 

An experience I won’t forget, and showed me how not to advise people. We are supposed to want the best for all our fellow Muslims, but we should not be so haughty as to believe we have the right to talk down to them, etc.

I’ve been called “self righteous” due to the fact that I struggle to accept the reality of a particular sin that has become normal in the Ummah. For that I have learned to remain silent. Is that right? I have no idea.

Experience chronicles III

So my experiences took an interesting turn today while speaking with someone at work. She’s married but in the middle of a divorce, and is currently “friends” with some new guy she met.

She’s not Muslim but that’s not the point.

As I was saying, she asked me how it was going with the guy I had mentioned to her. I told her he said he wasn’t up for marriage talks. She asked if I was looking for marriage and put that out front. I answered in the positive.

This ish she said right here…blew my mind.

She said that I scared him, that he was just looking for a friend.

Now let me get this straight: I know it’s not coming from an Islamic perspective, but maybe, just maybe, Muslim men aren’t looking for wives, but for female friends. Friends that may (or may not) become their wives.

It may be very well true, that I indeed scared him (and everyone else) away by looking for a husband.

There exists idealism within every person (including myself), acknowledged or not, and for most people, there is a need to know the ins and outs of a person, in fine detail, before considering a relationship. And I don’t mean “are we compatible?” More like “do you like cheese? I like cheese…” Hence the need to be friends.

My ideas are different. If two persons are basically compatible (and the two people will know), then the friendship will be automatic and continue with marriage.

I could be very wrong.

Anyway, I didn’t agree or disagree with her, because it wasn’t a debate. I was simply allowing myself to experience a different perspective.

I don’t know if I should change my ideas about relationships between non-mahrams. Experiences are supposed to produce some sort of change, afterall.

Kroger II

My friend and I entered the store, passing an older man at the door.

As we walk through randomly for about ten minutes, the man at the door finds us. LITERALLY finds us.

Man: Uh, excuse me! I was wondering if y’all know where the temple is at?
Me: Uhm, we don’t-
Friend: We don’t go to a temple.
Man: (steps back) Oh!..I thought y’all went to the temple…
Me/Friend: No sir.
Man: Ok uhm, thank you.

Again, the curse of the NOI on African Americans.

Funny how he turned around and searched through the store for us. Stalker much? I have a huge stick in the car at all times. I should carry it.

Andy Murray and positive influence

Andy Murray won Wimbledon today.

I’ve been an off and on fan of his for years, since Guillermo Coria mentioned him, and also Andy once upon a time deemed Coria to be his favorite player.

A couple of years ago, after failing constantly at winning in slam finals, Andy quit. He didn’t retire, but he mentally gave up. He said he didn’t care if he won a slam, he had other things in life that were important. He had other things to make him happy.

I was amazed and sad, that he was using a know that thing we do to save our egos from damage?…defense mechanism!! Thanks Google. Anyway, he was using a defensive technique to keep himself sane. “I don’t really care, but it would be nice to win.” Really Andy?

Enter Ivan Lendl. Lendl himself had lost many slam finals before becoming one of the greatest ever. Not going into detail as most tennis fans are hardasses, but the point is that Lendl understood where Andy was coming from.

Lendl helped Andy learn to stay positive during matches, one of his biggest obstacles.

In the 2nd set today, he was down 4-1. I was like “alright here it comes…” I was speechless as Andy worked hard and won the set 7-5.

It wasn’t about him winning, although he whooped Novak REAL GOOD. I was so surprised that he had made such a huge change in his personality. Even in the final game, I still expected him to blow the whole match. Then, he won.

Alhamdulillah for positive people. Us pessimists rarely want to hear what you have to say, but don’t throw us away. We listen eventually, and we benefit from you. I’m blessed to have positive people in my life. I’m new to trying to be positive, but I’m making a real effort.

Experience chronicles II

My friend told me that I misunderstood what she meant by “experiencing” things. She said I didn’t have to do haraam things, but just be around people who don’t necessarily share my views. That sounds good. Can’t do that in a weekend, which is usually all working people have: weekends. To “experience” different people, you need to live amongst them, not pass through their neighborhood. In sha Allah I will do so. Can’t take Aaliyah with me though. Maybe I will go a couple of places during the last 10 days of Ramadan. Maybe I’ll move to Hoover. Regardless of what I find or learn, people will still be pissed off with however I choose to think, anyway.